The thing we thought that is most beautiful about us

People consider themselves vegan

66.66% of the time

Because they don’t want to

Offend the people they

Love

 

Later

They will go into their rooms

And drink and write

And push-up and pick

The guilt

Away

 

The would castrate their

Stomachs if they could

Heretics, there is a Miasma

And it lives in their

Closets

 

And lays feelings in the

Crevice of their clothes

Who needs those

When you’ve found your

Catharsis

 

On sale for $5.49

In the back next to

The condoms

In aisle 7, hide

You think you know

Someone. 

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Going nuts for coconut oil

When it comes to makeup, I’m kind of a Buddhist. An advocate of minimalism, our buddy Buddha over here once said that liberating yourself from attachments is the road to emancipation. I remember being on a five-day canoe trip at summer camp about a decade ago and was one of the few girls who refrained from freaking out about a lack of toiletries. It’s not that I’m low maintenance, I would just hate to have to rely on material things to make me happy or confident or fulfilled. Needless to say, I had a fantastic time.

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Democritus also said that “Happiness resides not in possessions and not in gold, happiness dwells in the soul.” The soul he is referring to is of course this new massive jar of virgin organic coconut oil I just purchased from some pretentious health store. I had been reading about the myriad benefits of using all-natural cosmetics since all that lives on the surface of your skin gets absorbed into your bloodstream through your pores. I don’t know about you, but that scares the living daylights out of me. I’m not a huge makeup wearer to begin with, but I want to see what happens when I go makeup free for a week (like, not a streak of eyeliner, not dab of concealer) just to see how my skin reacts.

Yes, it’s vegan, yes, it’s organic, but I would recommend consuming it in moderation. This stuff is considered one of the worst cooking oils. At 53 grams of saturated fat (265% of your recommended daily value), you’re better off bathing in a tub of whipped cream while a male model feeds you donuts (I can arrange that for you, by the way). Saturated fat is the evil kind. Stick to heart-healthy polyunsaturated and monounsaturated fats found in nuts, fish, avocados and olive oil.

It hasn’t even been an hour since I brought home my baby (weighing in at 6 pounds and 4 ounces, it’s a boy!), and I’ve already slathered my entire body in it. I feel like a piña colada. How do you guys incorporate coconut oil into your beauty routine?

In sickness and in health, but hopefully the latter for the most part

Hello, readers (ew, seriously so boring and overdone. I feel like I need to brand you guys like Lady Gaga's Little Monsters or something.)

Today I got a cold and it was my microcosm of an apocalypse. For someone who takes care of her health to a meticulous degree, and as a result always feels STELLAR (I'm talking +2 hours of exercise a day, a solid blend of complex carbs and protein, at least eight hours a night), you can probably imagine the uproar that was my body upon learning my lymph nodes were swollen.

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A blog is a terrible place to complain about an itty bitty cold. But herein lie the therapeutic properties of writing! (You hear that, Obamacare? Cheap health care right over here. Going once, going twice.) 

Whenever something feels minutely wrong with my body, my mind shuts down along with it. I'm too busy panicking that my cold will transmogrify into this full-blown calamity resulting in puddles of phlegm and a post-root-canal puffy face. But those are all pretty one dimensional reasons to fear sickness. In truth, being sick is your body's sly way of telling you to chill out and take the escalator once in a while. We can't ALL be decathlons, all the time. Or can we?